Hello Everybody

I first wanted to thank everyone for all of the love and support they’ve given me.  I am grateful that so many people are surrounding me with warm thoughts and powerful prayers.  It motivates me that much more to fight hard and keep going.  I was really looking forward to going back to school and getting into the swing of things this Fall, but of course that’s not the way things turned out.  I’m ok with that and in fact I am very optimistic and truly without fear.

The problem is I have no idea whether or not the treatment is actually working.  It’s quite a strange feeling being in the dark about something so important.  It’s only been a few weeks but it feels like I’m perpetually suspended on the edge.  On one hand, the cancer is gone and the transplant is a complete success so I get right back into classes following my dreams and aspirations, on the other hand, the treatment doesn’t work and I must continue down a dark, unknown road.  As a very sane person, it can almost be enough to drive you crazy. 

The two sides could not be any more different, any more extreme.  Not knowing which path I’m currently on has had an interesting effect on me.  I feel like I’ve never had such little concern about life than I have now.  But somehow I also feel like I’ve never cared more.  I feel like this perspective has given me so much insight and knowledge about life, something that most people don’t understand or appreciate until far later on in their lives.  It has very much had a profound impact on who I am.

I get the tests results in about a week’s time.  Hopefully the scan comes back clean and I can start the stem cell transplant.  I might even be able to go to school in January if everything goes well.  If the scan shows still shows signs of cancer, I’ll almost certainly get more chemotherapy and maybe some alternative treatment.  I’m so fortunate to have my mother here with me, guiding and supporting me every single step of the way.  She’s made this entire situation bearable.  We’re hoping for the best this week, but whatever happens, I’m 100 percent ready for it.

Thanks again.  And keep the prayers coming!!!!